Oct 13, 2023

it's 6 in the morning, my daughters are sick and I had 0 sleep. I get flashbacks to 2019 when they were just born. I was co-founder of an agency while my wife and daughters stayed in the hospital for 14 days.

I was allowed to stay with them 24/7, so I helped the nurses with washing and feeding my precious newborns. Meanwhile my business partner would be in the office daily and manage the teams mostly.

We recently expanded our team but were growing very fast. My wife gave labor 6.5 weeks early. I landed a famous dutch actor as client and with him 3 other big clients connected to his brand. My partner and children were #1. But as an entrepreneur I spent 10 years to get to this stage, so I had to make sure to succeed these projects.

This meant almost no sleep in the hospital, then jump in the car 5.30AM drive 240km, do multiple meetings and on the way back debrief the co-founder and team over the phone. By 12.30PM I would be back in the hospital to lunch with my wife. We also had dogs, so after lunch I went home for the dogs, work a little bit from home or visit the office quickly before going to the hospital for dinner at 5.00PM

I cannot describe it, but these memories keep me going. It was the most beautiful hardest time in my life. Unlike today, I am divorced and the only thing left of my 7 Figure business is my memories and a broken Rolls Royce scale model.

I ask myself what now?

Well let's paint a picture. In 2019 I had: A 160k home, 2 cars (1 Chrysler), a wife I was together with for 11 years at that stage and my business. Total net worth ~700k. Today I have 0, or more like -70k, divorced,no car, 50% of the time taking care of my daughters, living at someone else's place, no business.

I can write 1000's of lines on what went wrong and will gradually share details. For now the biggest keypoint is that no matter what I am living the consequence of decisions made in the past.

3 years ago I divorced and went through hell. I mad a series of bad decisions and felt like life was useless anyways. As I failed to give my children a home and set them up for statistical faillure. I sold my shares of the company, gave my ex all she wanted and gave away money like it was free. Some nights I would be spending €1000 on TikTok to gift my favorite ASMR streamers or leave €100 tips on a €13 kebab meal.


Time to face reality!

Since last year I got to see my daughters more, but I already dug a very big hole. I didn't see a way out and talked myself into victimhood mentality.

These flashbacks finally lit the fire in me again. So it's 13th of October 2023 and I feel almost like the 13 year old kid (just a little more stressed). I take pen and paper and start writing. First: What's the reason I let it come this far?, then I continue What is the biggest thing I should prevent and what habit is causing this behavior?

My first daughter is waking up and I look at the clock: 8.30AM usually they wake up between 5.30 and 6.30

Looking my daughter in the eyes, laying in bed, in a room that's not really ours tells me the next topic I should write down: Reasons and Motivations to change my life around. But first breakfast and quality time with the girl because it's seldom that only one of them is awake.

Up next: My plan, Phase 1, the 0 > 10k and my plan. | Coming soon